packing stuff just like going through the memory you have.
for the last whole year, this is the third time I am packing my stuff.
all of them, on my own.
this time, nobody helps, my life, finally got back in my hand.
I am not sure whether the word from Mike is actually breaking me or telling me the faith.
There are lots of thing that I doubt it, but I still have to or need to do it once I came here.
I can probably follow my heart to not to pick up Hong as my roomate.
I can probably accept the offer from Anne.
I can prlbably wont agree to go with Mike at the beginning.
But nobody knows what's the right thing to do until you got hurt or hurt someone.
I miss the people who actually love me.
I owe them so much that I have to try my best to live.
If my happiness is their wish, I need to find out what is the happiness for me.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
it's aweful to have a fight with your roomate.
I've been trying so hard to aviod it. But when people dont know how to appreciate your effort for any kind of relationship. Nobody can make anything easier. I've been suffering this for not only a day or two. I was hoping things could change once or twice. Luckily Mike came into my life right at the good time. But once he left, the trouble is still there. It is somebody that you really dont like at the first glance. No matter how hard you tried, you still couldn't like them by the end of the day.
I've been trying so hard to aviod it. But when people dont know how to appreciate your effort for any kind of relationship. Nobody can make anything easier. I've been suffering this for not only a day or two. I was hoping things could change once or twice. Luckily Mike came into my life right at the good time. But once he left, the trouble is still there. It is somebody that you really dont like at the first glance. No matter how hard you tried, you still couldn't like them by the end of the day.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Pursue of happyness..
Sometime, I think I shouldn't be complaining all the time. I should be satisfied although I've never been satisfied in my whole life. You can say I am ambitious, but who's not?!
I can still remember the first lecture I attend at UW. The director of CIDR said, be persistent is the top thing to survive in America, then you will be fine.
I am persistent, that's deeply in my bone, that's part of me, that's my personality, but I am, yeah, I am just fine. But fine in English doesn't mean you are great today, not even good. Fine just mean, while, you're not bad, you are just okay.
So, now, I am just okay. Mckinsey is driving me crazy. After the invitation email, there is no any further answer for the questions or confirmation. Everything just stopped there.
Sometime, I think I shouldn't be complaining all the time. I should be satisfied although I've never been satisfied in my whole life. You can say I am ambitious, but who's not?!
I can still remember the first lecture I attend at UW. The director of CIDR said, be persistent is the top thing to survive in America, then you will be fine.
I am persistent, that's deeply in my bone, that's part of me, that's my personality, but I am, yeah, I am just fine. But fine in English doesn't mean you are great today, not even good. Fine just mean, while, you're not bad, you are just okay.
So, now, I am just okay. Mckinsey is driving me crazy. After the invitation email, there is no any further answer for the questions or confirmation. Everything just stopped there.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Monday, October 01, 2007
Should we really believe relationship.
I've been watching so many drama talk about relationship between lovers. One loves the other one crazy so that they can finally find out something cruical to their lover. Then relationship is never like pure sexual affection or emotional attachment. Relationship is about keeping secret as a secret forever. Kidnapper wants your money, your lover wants your everything. Isn't it horrible and terrible. So, should we still believe relationship?
Another thing is relevent to this topic. You never know a person.
I have known a guy for a year or a little bit shorter. I will take him as someone who always wanna hang out with girls, nice but still cares about money very much and sometime as long as he can, would like to have a affair with beauties. But suddenly, yesterday, I know he has a girlfriend as I never know, turns out in China, but will be here in USA soon for the graduate school in another city. So, what's the constraint about this relationship? How can you believe people mark themselve as unavailable all the time? How can you believe your lover won't see somebody else? Should we just love and trust until something we dont want to see happens.?
Again, relationship is about what?
I've been watching so many drama talk about relationship between lovers. One loves the other one crazy so that they can finally find out something cruical to their lover. Then relationship is never like pure sexual affection or emotional attachment. Relationship is about keeping secret as a secret forever. Kidnapper wants your money, your lover wants your everything. Isn't it horrible and terrible. So, should we still believe relationship?
Another thing is relevent to this topic. You never know a person.
I have known a guy for a year or a little bit shorter. I will take him as someone who always wanna hang out with girls, nice but still cares about money very much and sometime as long as he can, would like to have a affair with beauties. But suddenly, yesterday, I know he has a girlfriend as I never know, turns out in China, but will be here in USA soon for the graduate school in another city. So, what's the constraint about this relationship? How can you believe people mark themselve as unavailable all the time? How can you believe your lover won't see somebody else? Should we just love and trust until something we dont want to see happens.?
Again, relationship is about what?
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
is life just about moving on?
i searched the job today. I was thinking about whether is right or not to ask the question like, do you offer sponsorship for international student? if not, I will just move on, but what if i wouldn't ask, have a slight of chance?
I dont really know, but life is definitely about moving on.
Mike is leaving me to Rochester. I am moving on.
Best friend in USA is moving on in her marriage.
Roomate is moving on in her relationship.
I am moving on my job hunting and the relationship0 with my roomates.
I dont wanna be fake anymore.
I guess my life in the future will just, or at least, trying to be simple and simple.
change?
moving on.
right? really?! or wrong? nobody knows...
i searched the job today. I was thinking about whether is right or not to ask the question like, do you offer sponsorship for international student? if not, I will just move on, but what if i wouldn't ask, have a slight of chance?
I dont really know, but life is definitely about moving on.
Mike is leaving me to Rochester. I am moving on.
Best friend in USA is moving on in her marriage.
Roomate is moving on in her relationship.
I am moving on my job hunting and the relationship0 with my roomates.
I dont wanna be fake anymore.
I guess my life in the future will just, or at least, trying to be simple and simple.
change?
moving on.
right? really?! or wrong? nobody knows...
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
got back in town ...love seattle
well, yes, I went to Rochester to see him. how stupid i am... and i have sex with him....natrually
and i didn't feel sorry about that...i want it...
i want him to touch me...love me and tell me how beautiful i am...
I want the feeling just like that.....a man who cannot stop touching the whole night...
who cannot stop the love that he resisted himself...
i do love him.......
i dont wanna stop it anymore
no matter who said it...
i dont
well, yes, I went to Rochester to see him. how stupid i am... and i have sex with him....natrually
and i didn't feel sorry about that...i want it...
i want him to touch me...love me and tell me how beautiful i am...
I want the feeling just like that.....a man who cannot stop touching the whole night...
who cannot stop the love that he resisted himself...
i do love him.......
i dont wanna stop it anymore
no matter who said it...
i dont
Thursday, September 13, 2007
What is American life.?!$#^%#
Sometime I really doubt it, what is American? Fast food? Fast affection? Is everything fast here? Even when you wanna be lazier, you can just write in English, coz it's quicker..
My ex cannot even wait a month. He changed his status into Single, on Myspace first, then on Facebook today. Yes, Yes, when he said he missed me still. I believe that. But there are couple things I don't understand, how can a man still crashed on a woman in the meanwhile being single?
Is it american relationship? That's a shitty lie...I am sorry, that is.
If it's true worldwile here, then the only thing I can probably figure out is... they cheat themselves, they cheat each other. They probably enjoy it... I dont.
So, I am done with white guy. with any "American".
The life here is sucks. I will be out of town untill 25th. The part time job is still on my hand, not finished yet.
While my ex is not totally jerky, but he is jerky on me. What else can I say, I love a jerk.
Life is sucks here, for barely living, I have to give up a lot of thing. I talked about China rule a little bit with my new boss.
After a whole year, I still miss my home.
What is American life? hmmmm....
The life makes you tougher...stronger...and never believe there is a affection could win the money... :)
Sometime I really doubt it, what is American? Fast food? Fast affection? Is everything fast here? Even when you wanna be lazier, you can just write in English, coz it's quicker..
My ex cannot even wait a month. He changed his status into Single, on Myspace first, then on Facebook today. Yes, Yes, when he said he missed me still. I believe that. But there are couple things I don't understand, how can a man still crashed on a woman in the meanwhile being single?
Is it american relationship? That's a shitty lie...I am sorry, that is.
If it's true worldwile here, then the only thing I can probably figure out is... they cheat themselves, they cheat each other. They probably enjoy it... I dont.
So, I am done with white guy. with any "American".
The life here is sucks. I will be out of town untill 25th. The part time job is still on my hand, not finished yet.
While my ex is not totally jerky, but he is jerky on me. What else can I say, I love a jerk.
Life is sucks here, for barely living, I have to give up a lot of thing. I talked about China rule a little bit with my new boss.
After a whole year, I still miss my home.
What is American life? hmmmm....
The life makes you tougher...stronger...and never believe there is a affection could win the money... :)
Monday, August 27, 2007
这是一个炎热的夏天
这是一个炎热的夏天，所有的知了都在天上叫，确切地说，应该是在树上叫。只是那叫声太刺人，在这本来就闷热的天，又加上了一层烦闷的气息。走在路上的行人 都低着头，或是高仰着头。低着头的，擦着汗，看着脚下的路，急急地往什么地方去。仰着头的，望着太阳，迎着刺眼的阳光，向着西。鲁迅在提到血馒头的时候引 用了象征的意义。或许是大家读他的杂文多了。这向着西的期盼或许会帮助这闷热的天快点逝去，正如这急匆匆的脚步也能够奔向哪里去逃开这闷热。是不是这天， 让人着了魔，忘记了摇着蒲扇，坐在树荫下也能讨得一丝凉快，再加上半分的惬意，和半分的鄙视，即便是夕阳西下，冷气空调也未曾有这样的风凉。
好个夏，无人坐下闲乘凉。且匆匆地哪里去，赶着天堂。
这是一个炎热的夏天，所有的知了都在天上叫，确切地说，应该是在树上叫。只是那叫声太刺人，在这本来就闷热的天，又加上了一层烦闷的气息。走在路上的行人 都低着头，或是高仰着头。低着头的，擦着汗，看着脚下的路，急急地往什么地方去。仰着头的，望着太阳，迎着刺眼的阳光，向着西。鲁迅在提到血馒头的时候引 用了象征的意义。或许是大家读他的杂文多了。这向着西的期盼或许会帮助这闷热的天快点逝去，正如这急匆匆的脚步也能够奔向哪里去逃开这闷热。是不是这天， 让人着了魔，忘记了摇着蒲扇，坐在树荫下也能讨得一丝凉快，再加上半分的惬意，和半分的鄙视，即便是夕阳西下，冷气空调也未曾有这样的风凉。
好个夏，无人坐下闲乘凉。且匆匆地哪里去，赶着天堂。
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
coming back....
sitting in the lab, look around, talk to my only labmate here at this summer time.
everything looks the same, some people has already been gone, some ppl are still here.
this shitty basement lab , suddenly became cozy and comfortable.
i am always living in the living room since i've been here.
everything is just temporary all the time.
the only place I can always go and hide myself is here.
i can save my lunch, i can always find some nice face here, i can always get the help i need.
i dont know what exactly this feeling is.
in the last few months, i've been far away from here.
is my life supposed to be like that?
or i should keep my journey on the right track
why it's been so hard to love someone
is there anything wrong to wanna keep somebody
do i really wanna so much from him
if there was a god, can you just let me sit down, tell my lover what i want and give me the answer. can i just be an adult all the time without playing the chasing and be chased game.
can i put all of my effort in my work and my study instead of being sad and crying
if love is desired to be complicated and suffered, let me go, let me suffer the lonely and dead to be just a little cat.
in that way, I can be proud and lazy all the time, i can ignore my owner without hurting him/her. I can enjoy my food or reject it without explaining the reason.
my life could be easier and my heart won't be hurt.
it's been so hard to go through this relationship, is it worthy, how long can I keep it...how much do i love him...
sitting in the lab, look around, talk to my only labmate here at this summer time.
everything looks the same, some people has already been gone, some ppl are still here.
this shitty basement lab , suddenly became cozy and comfortable.
i am always living in the living room since i've been here.
everything is just temporary all the time.
the only place I can always go and hide myself is here.
i can save my lunch, i can always find some nice face here, i can always get the help i need.
i dont know what exactly this feeling is.
in the last few months, i've been far away from here.
is my life supposed to be like that?
or i should keep my journey on the right track
why it's been so hard to love someone
is there anything wrong to wanna keep somebody
do i really wanna so much from him
if there was a god, can you just let me sit down, tell my lover what i want and give me the answer. can i just be an adult all the time without playing the chasing and be chased game.
can i put all of my effort in my work and my study instead of being sad and crying
if love is desired to be complicated and suffered, let me go, let me suffer the lonely and dead to be just a little cat.
in that way, I can be proud and lazy all the time, i can ignore my owner without hurting him/her. I can enjoy my food or reject it without explaining the reason.
my life could be easier and my heart won't be hurt.
it's been so hard to go through this relationship, is it worthy, how long can I keep it...how much do i love him...
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
July 27. The last hug..
But now, the last hug from Mikey is gone. We are, no more, in relationship. Even though, both of us are still reluctent to change our relationship status on Facebook. We know, it will be complicated, but not that anymore.
I probably cannot understand why something so terrible like this happened to me. If I can really understand it, I am, probably really matured.... but now, no, I am not.
我不知道为什么我们要究结的那么清楚，其实有些事情，是得过且过的。。
I can still remember the first time Seattle downtown trip. Some behavior art students offered FREE HUG to the pedastria in downtown. I told my friends in China how funny they were, how lonely they are that they cannot get enough hug, enough love from family and lover.But now, the last hug from Mikey is gone. We are, no more, in relationship. Even though, both of us are still reluctent to change our relationship status on Facebook. We know, it will be complicated, but not that anymore.
I probably cannot understand why something so terrible like this happened to me. If I can really understand it, I am, probably really matured.... but now, no, I am not.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Relationship
we had a fight the night before last night or, ...sometime .Thur...it doesn't matter.
then we suddenly realized only two weeks left for us, to be together
however
we still argue and fight
when you were in a relationship
you have to explain yourself
you have to understand, accept
then you will probably be released
be released from whether you are a good man or a bad man
you have to face
not to others
but yourself
admit it
the first time, you try your best to understand yourself
then you try your best to understand another stranger who opened the door for both of you
then he is
literally going to leave you
there is no way to see those eyes again
mixed with blue, green and a little bit grey
cannot smell the old house he lived for a while
cannot hold him to feel the peaceful
i will probably hate the whole thing happend once a while
but at this point
i love the man, who loves me laughs at me
who brought me into his life and showed me the real thing inside there
we had a fight the night before last night or, ...sometime .Thur...it doesn't matter.
then we suddenly realized only two weeks left for us, to be together
however
we still argue and fight
when you were in a relationship
you have to explain yourself
you have to understand, accept
then you will probably be released
be released from whether you are a good man or a bad man
you have to face
not to others
but yourself
admit it
the first time, you try your best to understand yourself
then you try your best to understand another stranger who opened the door for both of you
then he is
literally going to leave you
there is no way to see those eyes again
mixed with blue, green and a little bit grey
cannot smell the old house he lived for a while
cannot hold him to feel the peaceful
i will probably hate the whole thing happend once a while
but at this point
i love the man, who loves me laughs at me
who brought me into his life and showed me the real thing inside there
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
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