coming back....

sitting in the lab, look around, talk to my only labmate here at this summer time.
everything looks the same, some people has already been gone, some ppl are still here.
this shitty basement lab , suddenly became cozy and comfortable.
i am always living in the living room since i've been here.
everything is just temporary all the time.
the only place I can always go and hide myself is here.
i can save my lunch, i can always find some nice face here, i can always get the help i need.
i dont know what exactly this feeling is.
in the last few months, i've been far away from here.
is my life supposed to be like that?
or i should keep my journey on the right track
why it's been so hard to love someone
is there anything wrong to wanna keep somebody
do i really wanna so much from him

if there was a god, can you just let me sit down, tell my lover what i want and give me the answer. can i just be an adult all the time without playing the chasing and be chased game.
can i put all of my effort in my work and my study instead of being sad and crying
if love is desired to be complicated and suffered, let me go, let me suffer the lonely and dead to be just a little cat.
in that way, I can be proud and lazy all the time, i can ignore my owner without hurting him/her. I can enjoy my food or reject it without explaining the reason.
my life could be easier and my heart won't be hurt.

it's been so hard to go through this relationship, is it worthy, how long can I keep it...how much do i love him...