GMAT

i got married with mike but i am not happy, not at all. not even a little bit. i am bored at home, wait for the chance to get a interview, a phonecall, a email, a job offer. i asked him to ask his mom to co-sponsor me. I am not sure whether it's a good thing to do. i dont like this marriage. not at all. we stop listening to each other for a long time, except sex, everything sucks. we both agree with that, I was joking, but today it is the truth. I cannot say that i dont love him anymore and want to leave him. I still love him but I also want to runaway, madly want it.
it's just because we are so poor, there are barely nothing we can change this situation. I got 2000 bucks from mom and told her I am gonna to use it for a vacation, but I know it is not true. I have to save it for much more important thing, the GC application fee.

I decide to work on GMAT to distract myself a little bit. Now I am counting the days to make myself feel better, I dont know whom I should talk to in reference to this issue. I dont know how to solve it. I probably will never know.

breaking up

I tried my hard to survive my relationship, to push it into marriage. but the fact taught me, you cannot want something so badly.
the relationship just didn't work out for me, the truth is, i cannot face to a mess of sink full of dirty dishes, i cannot talk to somebody always thinks that i boss him. the relationship has never been balance. either of us could find that balance point.
even though breaking up could not make our individual life better, i still need to do this. getting sick of facing everyday is one reason, couldn't predict the future is another reason, expect all these reasons and excuses, I cannot feel the love I want, the passion we had.
we are still here together just because we are afraid of lonely.